I Do Not See



Taken during the first sunrise of 2011 in Daejeon, South Korea

When I rang in 2010, I knew about as much as anyone can know about an upcoming year.
I knew I had 5 months left working at Linford.
I knew I had only 5 months to enjoy the day-to-day company,
presence, friendship and comfort of my Laramie 'family'.
I knew I'd go to Hawaii
I knew we'd travel the World
We'd meet our Sponsor Child
We'd be in South Africa for the World Cup
We'd end in Asia, most likely with Teaching positions
I'd celebrate 3 years of marriage with my husband
I'd spend Christmas in a foreign land

Granted, any of that could have changed. Could have been dropped, re-vamped, re-written, undone.
But it wasn't.
So at the brink of 2010, I knew what a big and impactful and amazing and wonderful year lay ahead.

In a word, 2010 was Bittersweet.

For months, I knew I was about to leave some of the most
Amazing, Supportive, Beautiful, Loving, Encouraging, Inspiring, Gentle, Humble, God-Fearing, Service-Hearted, Community-Oriented, Intentional friends I've ever known or called my own.

The taste was bitter

For months, I knew I would embark on a dream of a journey filled with joy, adventure, sights, experiences, challenges, growth, lessons and new friendships I couldn't have if I stayed 'home'

The taste was sweet

For months I knew I'd leave my family, yet they'd continue to call and email and facebook and be my family.

The taste is bittersweet.

For months I knew my workday woes would come to an end yet I'd be without my amazing and inspirational co-workers nor the children whom I loved, regardless of behavior.

The taste is bittersweet.

For months I have lived in a foreign land and have experienced such warmth and hospitatility, delightful flavors on my tastebuds, the beginnings of friendships that are just as impressive as the ones I left behind, friendships which I know I am better for having been a part of.

The taste is sweet.

For months I have missed out on the day-to-day lives of cherished family and friends, children growing, wedding bells ringing, Christmas Breaks re-juvenating and re-uniting, New Year glasses clinking, in a place that will always and forever be home.

The taste is bitter.



Last year, we received the gift of a prayer from a dear friend.

One that as applicaple then as it is now:

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.

I do not see the road ahead of me.

I cannot know for certain where if will end.

Nor do I really know myself,

and the fact that I think I am following your will

does not meant that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.

And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.

And I know that if i do this you will lead me by the right road,

though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore I will trust you always

though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear, for you are ever with me,

and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

~Thomas Merton

I raise my yellow teacup filled with hot water ( a strange habit developed in the ROK) to the year of 2011 although I do not see.