Burned Out

I usually have decent stamina with my employment situations.

However. my current situation. is. destroying me. (exaggeration).

But seriously.

This year, I've discovered some strengths and gifts in teaching that were surprising and welcomed.

As the first year of TEFL in Korea winds down...I'm burned out.

And not because it's hot and humid and monsoon season.

Because my work load is heavy. i have two schools. my students are giving up. or yelling. always. or fighting. or...or...or...

And it feels like I'm the only one who sees it
or cares.

I decided a couple of weeks ago that I can't come back to this, in August.

Therefore, I will come back to a new school.
One school. A middle school.
Fingers-crossed.

Over at This is 27...

I just posted or actually re-blogged, something that is crucial to my heart right now.

I have some of the greatest friends and conections a girl could ask for.

You Have Suffered Enough

I woke up this morning with this line of Falling Slowly running through my head

Suffered Enough.

I know that at many levels, things could be worse, suffering could be more painful.
There are plenty of people I can still hold on to, and for that, I'm grateful.

But this year of teaching in Korea won't stop handing us loss and death
from home.

Perhaps we should have seen it coming.
One grandfather passed while we were in flight to this new chapter of our lives.

Recently a dear Uncle.
And now another Grandfather.

In so many ways, when choosing to live 5,000 miles away from home
one prepares for these kinds of events.

So, we're not caught completely off guard.
But, we're  not really...there.

I look forward to returning in August. To letting the truth of these losses sink in. To processing through these times that feel and are, so far removed.

Only two more months.
Followed by another year.

Lord, protect the ones we love and heal us.

(Typed while waiting for a brown, bone-china mug filled with milky Chai Tea to cool down)

Book: Your Republic is Calling You

I'm guessing everyone was beginning to wonder if I even remember how to read or to use this blog site.

Truth be known, I know and remember both.

I also wish I had more time for both.

Finally finished this story about a North Korean 'spy' living in South Korea for decades before being called back and the processes he goes through in deciding when, how and if he'll return.

From my Goodreads:

Your Republic Is Calling You by Young-ha Kim

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


An interesting read especially while living in South Korea. Fascinating thoughts and possibilities regarding the lives of North Korean spies living in South Korea for 20 years before hearing anything from the North. I really enjoyed the perspectives offered - I have nothing to compare the stories too so I'm not sure on their accuracy regarding experience but many aspects seemed possible regarding what I've learned of Korean culutre at large and the relationship between the nations as it now stands.



View all my reviews

Meditation: VII

Shortly after Meditation VI I posted this response to the pain being experienced by a handful of friends.

Two months later, I'm still in the same passage of scripture.

And I need it now as much as I wanted to share it with others then.

Mourning and Comfort.

Matthew 5:4 says

"Blessed are those who mourn,

for they will be comforted."

 

Mourning has followed us to South Korea.

 

Two times now. In the form of loss.

My Grandpa Al.

Mike's god-father and unlce Rick.

 

The two men we've said good-bye to across the oceans are two men who

most desired to be next to the Lord.

 

My heart rejoices that they have made it.

My heart desires to carry out their memory. their legacy.

by living an honorable life

by seeking the Lord

by loving Him first

by extending love, grace and blessing

 

The Message rephrases this verse in the following way:

 

Blessed are you when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you for you will be

embraced by the One most dear to you.

(Typed while in the beginning stages of enjoying a silver travel thermos of Korean Coffee Mix 'coffee')

Things I Know

Here are some things I know:

My head is constantly swimming - with thoughts, ideas, to-do lists, recipe ideas, lesson plans, goals, etc.

My birthday is when I make 'new year's resolutions' - so the days preceeding my birthday are filled with potential 'resolutions'.

I wish I had more time to read.

More time to process. More time to experience. More time to rest. More time to understand.

I wish I understood how to best balance my time.

I know there are a number of things I 'should' do.
I know there are a number of things I want to do.
I know there are a number of things I can do.
I know there are a number of things I don't want to do.
I know there are a number of things I have to do.

I know my heart is more content than I give it credit for.

I know that cooking, baking, conversations, cups of tea, glasses of wine, time to journal (or blog), succesful lesson plans or discussion posts, hugging my man, petting my dog, laying in bed, being outside and a series of other things - Bring me Joy.

I know that I connect with people better in small settings rather than large.

I know that I'm a good hostess.

I know that my life is beautiful - some of that beauty has come from pain and I expect pain to continue bringing beauty.

These things are on my mind and in my heart as I seriously consider...New Year's Resolutions.

Schooled

The following is the compilation of a couple days thoughts, a way for me to process through things and in no way reflects my current state of being...I'm sooo incredibly happy here and in the teaching field. I just need to process through some things.

So much has been running through my poor little head.

I've really been yearning to have time in this place. This blog. Another blog. A Journal. My bed.

I just want to understand what's going on around me.

My 'catch phrase' in Korea has become:

Living here is easy, it's working here that's tough.

Cultural norms are a lot more noticeable in our work environments

Education is a field that is loaded with it's own cultural norms

Nearly everything I believe regarding education is challenged here.

Discipline is viewed differently

Assessing and testing is viewed differently

Challenging students is viewed differently

Purpose of teaching is viewed differently

Equality and Justice are viewed differently

And one more thing, Obama has NO idea what he's talking about when he says America should look to Korea's education system for inspiration. That's a load of crap. From my vantage point anyway. (Just needed to get that off my chest).

I miss working in a school environment where every teacher was devoted to offering the best education possible for each individual student. I miss having co-workers who trusted me, my ideas and things I wanted to try with students. I miss students who were free to show the full range of their emotions, to struggle with learning, to succeed in small things and receive huge celebrations.

I don't miss restraining students. I don't miss being hit, kicked or bitten. I don't miss understanding the hierarchy and pompous personnel's attitude's about my position and abilities.

As I work in education and pursue a Master's Degree in Education, I realize two things:

I'm passionate about this work.

This work will never be all that I dream it could be, it will disappoint.

I'm just learning to be ok with that.

To understand my drive and my passion in context of the world. In context of other drives and passions. Because here's the thing, maybe I could make education everything I want it to be in my educational situation, but then I couldn't have a marriage I'm amazed by, look forward to having children to serve and live life with, be intentional in friendships, cook and bake as I desire (and need), etc.

I'm okay with these passions of mine and I'm learning to be okay with the limits the world puts on those passions coming to full fruition.

I have a long way to go. But having this place to let it out, it's comforting in a way. A way to better understand what's going on in my head and my heart.

(Typed while...drinking nothing? Not during the second go around anyway and frankly, I don't remember the first go at things)