Better than Expected

This semester.
Old co-teaching relationships.
Lesson execution.
Lunch hours.
New co-teaching relationships.
Student behavior.

Each and everyone

Better than Expected

Ability
to give thanks.
to withold complaints.
to laugh.
to enjoy.
to teach.
to relax.
to breathe.
to be.

Better than Expected

Of Friendship: For the Korean Public School Season

I so frequently view my life in terms of seasons. It is one of the reasons I have chose to do tackle my News Years Resolutions in the way I have, 30 days at a time. Because my seasons are always changing and some seasons are good committing to make home-made yogurt or stretch nightly or floss regularly. Other seasons will be better for committing to run regularly or go outside more.

Friendships are seasonal as well. Not to imply they last only a seaon and are over, although that can be the case, once in a blue moon. But some, or perhaps many friendships develop within or during a season and are so much sweeter for the ways they connect one friend to the other in a shared experience of sorts. I have my semester in Spain season friend, my college season friend (which can be further broken down into a number of categories), my summer camp season friends, my building community season friends, my Linford season friends, my expat community season friends. And I couldn't have made it through a single season without each and every one of these cherished friends.

Since returning to Korea in August I began work at a new-to-me public elementary school. The schedule was dreamy. My head co-teacher, not so much. Destructive really. I've never felt so close to mental instability than while working under her headship.

At the same time, I was paired with a co-worker who quickly stood out as a woman with a heart of compassion and love, a healthy dose of boldness and the willingness to tackle tough issues with me.

As much as I hated the last semester of teaching and the ugly relationship that would not mend, this friend, Hyunhee, is worth it. And, she is a primary reason that I survived the semester and that I'll tackle the upcoming semester, even though she has relocated to a new school.

Aside from the numerous qualities which suit her perfectly to being a true and genuine friend which I will one day elaborate upon, she is the friend, the one and only, who will forever and always understand to the deepest degree possible the hardship and frustration I suffered during this 'Korean Public School' season.

I sat with her and her sister at a cafe last night. Helping to sort through some vocabulary and conversations that would serve her sister in her position at a local bank. It struck me that this simple conversation, and the more impressive surrounding conversation and invitation to visit her sister's house near the DMZ, wouldn't be possible if I hadn't relocated, if I hadn't stuck with a job/working situation which felt often to be destroying my spirit.

I remind myself, and will continue to do so, that the pain and frustration, the stupid games being played in this season, are worth it for a number of reasons and amongst the most important, this friendship.

(Typed while sipping incredibly hot black tea from China and nibbling on  an unkown flavor of muffin)

All-consuming Hatred

I believe that my heart and soul have a great and deep and beautiful capacity to love.
I believe that that is true for all of mankind.

Love for people, animals, topics, concepts, words, and more are so easily brought forth from my heart of hearts, I know this to be true.

I feel a difference in myself when I'm choosing love.
I know a distinct sensation of overwhelming love that occurs when

I recall the love story that is unique to my man and me

I feel Lady Annyeong snuggle up to me and beg for my affection

I hear the voice of beloved friends on the other end of the 'Skype' phone

I receive a gift of words or thoughtfulness from friends or family

I hear the quiet whisper of my Lord, speaking truth into my life

I recall how far the quiet whisper has brought me

Thus, I've been horrified to come face to face with an all-consuming hatred.

Not a hatred of poverty around the world

or injustices and prejudices doled out by the 'Church'

or poor and thoughtless governmental policies

Not a hatred I could easily justify

Rather a hatred that I so desire not to speak for fear that making it real and admitting it's there will only bring further destruction.  A hatred that is directed toward, dare I say it, another human, an image-bearer.

Humbled. Embarrassed. Ashamed.

How I currently feel admitting that this has so forcefully come into my life.

Confused. Unsure. Helpless. Hopeless. Desperate.

How I feel in attempting to address this issue of hatred.

I've spent hours in prayer and anguish, in hopes that this feeling would subside, that there would be an 'easy' answer or a clean-cut from this image-bearer so I could love her from a distance without frequent interactions which cause my heart rate to increase, my eyes to roll and a heap of cynicism to surface.

I feel like the love that is commonly so easy to cultivate toward this broken world is being challenged.

I'm daily having to decide if I'm going to mutter in the gray matter my hatred for this being...

or seek to be compassionate.

Muttering hatred has won out far too many times.

But I'm not sure I have what it takes to battle this in swiftness.

The road ahead is seeming a bit threatening and overwhelming.

(Typed while sipping coffee mix from a paper cup which claims "Break Time for U & Me" and snacking on a tangerine...at least I've got that going for me today.)