Spilling

In my quiet moments, as of late, I mull over possible titles for a post, here at Tea with Melissa. The place I feel most comfortable sharing some of the deeper parts of me (although, you may not know it with all the book updates and goals with nothing else in between ^^).

I've considered poetically titling a post: Crossroads.

Doubt and Certainty serving as the primary theme.

Doubt that I'll land my dream job.
Doubt that I'll (we'll) have a job at all come September.
Doubt that I have what it takes.
Certainty that moving on is the call of the hour.
Certainty that all we need will and has been provided for.
Certainty that I have what it takes.

I've considered a simple post with a title such as: Processing or Updating

Rambling serving as the primary theme.

Expressing that, at this point, in my life in the life of my husband and I, we are soul searching and job searching. We are in love with two nations. We are in love with adventure and traveling and time to engage in such activities. We are longing for Wyoming, but so incredibly intentional with our finances that it seems foolish to bail on South Korea when there may still be perfect opportunities here to save and work a few more years toward the life we've always dreamed of. However,  Wyoming has dangled in front of us an opportunity so perfectly suited to our desires (and to my education and experience) that our hearts are yearning even more deeply for our homeland and the family and friends we have there, while simultaneously aching the truth that Korea is not our forever home and some of the people we've added to our community here may sooner than expected be half a world away.

And job searching is exactly what it's cracked up to be: stressful and disappointing and at times utterly thrilling in thinking about the possibilities. And time-consuming. And requires ridiculous amounts of paper work and document tracking and scanning and sending -- and all that's before an interview.

So maybe we'll be in Wyoming by September. Perhaps in a dream job, preparing to build a home of our own and with a promise to visit this second home every year or two if even for a short time. Perhaps among our prior community who loved us so dearly and have contributed to who and where we are with their love and support and encouragement. Perhaps crashing couches, looking for flexible work as substitute teachers of eBay entrepreneurs. Or, maybe we'll be in South Korea, relocating on the peninsula. Transitioning into a University position looking forward to more flexible schedules and longer vacations.

But we don't know. And there's currently no indication of when we will know these answers. So, we just sit and wait and hope and pray.

I've considered titling a post: It's a Beautiful Life.

Because I love Ace of Base.
And because through all of this, I'm seeing just how beautiful and perfect my life is for me, our lives are for us.

Because when we leave places, we aren't escaping.
We're leaving behind family and friends who love us and support us and who are eagerly awaiting our return, miraculously without pressuring us to do so in a time-frame that suits their own desires.

Because when we arrive in places, we aren't excluding.
We're immersing and living intentionally because that's what we've learned produces results that feed our hearts and our souls. We recognize this place is temporary, more so than any other we're likely to settle into, yet our previous experience in community resounds and reminds us that intentionality and meaningful relationships and big and small experiences are worth the heartache that will one day be good-bye for now, until I don't know when.

Because when it's time to move forward, we aren't alone.
We have this beautiful life due to these beautiful people and as I sit so frequently, in confusion and uncertainty about what the (near) future holds, I am humbled and astounded by the degree and depth of friendships I have established here, there and everywhere in between. And whatever it is we decide, whatever it is that comes to fruition, I know we will move forward with the world's greatest support team, no need to escape, only a need to continue on with love, compassion and intentionality.



But now, in this moment, I just needed a place to spill all of these thoughts with their own flow, their own style, their own focus.


We're at a crossroads. And while we stand here, waiting for direction and confirmation, we cannot help but notice all that has brought us to this point and how simply astoundingly beautiful it all is.

(Typed while finishing off a most amazing and refreshing Blueberry-Cucumber smoothie from my very own kitchen using my very own home-made  yogurt ^^)