Books 2012: Child of the Mist

Child of the Mist by Kathleen Morgan
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

After reading a book heavy on issues of abuse and other vicious cycles, I needed something a little less heavy. However, there are still heavy issues of treachery and such presented in the first of this series by Kathleen Morgan, regardless, the setting and time was unfamiliar enough and the love story engaging enough to keep those heavy issues from weighing to heavily on me personally. I found the characters of the book intriguing and admirable throughout the story and was eager to see them truly discover the same within each other.

"Her love for this most magnificent of men had opened up the world to her, freeing her - empowering her. Her love only made her stronger. It revealed new mysteries, mysteries both wonderful and life-sustaining. There was no fear anymore, only an eagerness to delve further and, in the giving, receive." (location 1997)

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Another note:

I'm as yet undecided as to whether or not I will read the next book in this series. It is not necessary to this story although it involves some of the same characters, focusing in on one of the "supporting" characters from the first in this series.

(Again, typed while having finished banana milk. Finished ready while drinking hard cider ^^)

Books 2012: Running from Solace

Running from Solace by Nakia R. Laushaul
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

In all honesty, this was a tough read. Generational abuse, the shortcomings of the foster system contrasted against the necessity and benefit of such a system, vicious cycles of violence and so much more. It is a painful story. But it was grasping and continually held me attentive, wanting to know more about the inner workings of Mona, her son (and children) and the CPS staff woman who unknowingly became wrapped up in a case which would reveal painful truths from her own past, requiring her to confront the pain and hurt from years of her own abuse.

Truly, the story lines and three narrators of this story and the turns the story takes to tie them all together are absolutely gripping.


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(Typed having recently finished off a carton of banana milk, of greater interest, I'm 99% sure I finished the book while drinking a glass of home-made hard cider ^^).

Spilling

In my quiet moments, as of late, I mull over possible titles for a post, here at Tea with Melissa. The place I feel most comfortable sharing some of the deeper parts of me (although, you may not know it with all the book updates and goals with nothing else in between ^^).

I've considered poetically titling a post: Crossroads.

Doubt and Certainty serving as the primary theme.

Doubt that I'll land my dream job.
Doubt that I'll (we'll) have a job at all come September.
Doubt that I have what it takes.
Certainty that moving on is the call of the hour.
Certainty that all we need will and has been provided for.
Certainty that I have what it takes.

I've considered a simple post with a title such as: Processing or Updating

Rambling serving as the primary theme.

Expressing that, at this point, in my life in the life of my husband and I, we are soul searching and job searching. We are in love with two nations. We are in love with adventure and traveling and time to engage in such activities. We are longing for Wyoming, but so incredibly intentional with our finances that it seems foolish to bail on South Korea when there may still be perfect opportunities here to save and work a few more years toward the life we've always dreamed of. However,  Wyoming has dangled in front of us an opportunity so perfectly suited to our desires (and to my education and experience) that our hearts are yearning even more deeply for our homeland and the family and friends we have there, while simultaneously aching the truth that Korea is not our forever home and some of the people we've added to our community here may sooner than expected be half a world away.

And job searching is exactly what it's cracked up to be: stressful and disappointing and at times utterly thrilling in thinking about the possibilities. And time-consuming. And requires ridiculous amounts of paper work and document tracking and scanning and sending -- and all that's before an interview.

So maybe we'll be in Wyoming by September. Perhaps in a dream job, preparing to build a home of our own and with a promise to visit this second home every year or two if even for a short time. Perhaps among our prior community who loved us so dearly and have contributed to who and where we are with their love and support and encouragement. Perhaps crashing couches, looking for flexible work as substitute teachers of eBay entrepreneurs. Or, maybe we'll be in South Korea, relocating on the peninsula. Transitioning into a University position looking forward to more flexible schedules and longer vacations.

But we don't know. And there's currently no indication of when we will know these answers. So, we just sit and wait and hope and pray.

I've considered titling a post: It's a Beautiful Life.

Because I love Ace of Base.
And because through all of this, I'm seeing just how beautiful and perfect my life is for me, our lives are for us.

Because when we leave places, we aren't escaping.
We're leaving behind family and friends who love us and support us and who are eagerly awaiting our return, miraculously without pressuring us to do so in a time-frame that suits their own desires.

Because when we arrive in places, we aren't excluding.
We're immersing and living intentionally because that's what we've learned produces results that feed our hearts and our souls. We recognize this place is temporary, more so than any other we're likely to settle into, yet our previous experience in community resounds and reminds us that intentionality and meaningful relationships and big and small experiences are worth the heartache that will one day be good-bye for now, until I don't know when.

Because when it's time to move forward, we aren't alone.
We have this beautiful life due to these beautiful people and as I sit so frequently, in confusion and uncertainty about what the (near) future holds, I am humbled and astounded by the degree and depth of friendships I have established here, there and everywhere in between. And whatever it is we decide, whatever it is that comes to fruition, I know we will move forward with the world's greatest support team, no need to escape, only a need to continue on with love, compassion and intentionality.



But now, in this moment, I just needed a place to spill all of these thoughts with their own flow, their own style, their own focus.


We're at a crossroads. And while we stand here, waiting for direction and confirmation, we cannot help but notice all that has brought us to this point and how simply astoundingly beautiful it all is.

(Typed while finishing off a most amazing and refreshing Blueberry-Cucumber smoothie from my very own kitchen using my very own home-made  yogurt ^^)

Goals: May Update and a word about June

As you may recall, April's goals didn't play out exactly according to plan - and I felt no regret. Actually, I  predicted May and the summer in general would follow in a similar trajectory.

So far, I'm quite accurate in that assumption.

I wanted to re-claim my morning time for meditation, prayer, stretching, etc. I didn't manage that, and it's still something I'm working on getting back into a habit of sorts. I need that time, to just be with myself and my thoughts, to mull them over and rework them into prayers and hopes and clarity. Unfortunately, in the inital moments of stree and feeling overwhelmed, I retreat from this healthy habit and simply withdraw in less productive ways. June will have me continuing toward this goal of finding peace amidst this ocassionaly hectic and chaotic life.

May also begin with my hesitations about running in the heat - I didn't run once in May. I don't feel guilty or shameful, but I hope that at some point in my life, running makes sense - as in all things come together to make it a truly enjoyable experience.

Three of May's goals however panned out relatively lovely. I made three pies (would have been four were it not for a week of horrible allergy and stress-enduced sickness) AND, I've continued the pie love into June and am so happy to be a pastry maker and more thrilled to have friends come over and rave about the crust - it's flakiness and perfectness...oh how I live for culinary success.

Aside from pies, I also conquered the Post Office in ways I had not previously accomplished. I sent a lot of letters and even a few packages. I wish I'd been better about this from the beginning of our time here. And, of course, I conquered the book challenge. I don't entirely love having to commute by bus to work everyday, but I do love the extra time to read and learn.

As for June and Goals...

I don't have many.

We're unsure where we'll be come the end of August. There's a fairly high chance we'll be stateside. That means our time in Korea is winding down, kind of unexpectedly - I thought I'd foresee this moment with a little more sureity, but that's not the case. So, with this uncertainty about the next year, Mike and I have a new fire and desire to set out on weekend trips and to see and do anything and everything to soak up the things we love about this second home of ours. I imagine this will continue throughout the summer.

I'm keeping up with my pies. Just made a pineapple pie the other night. Fantastic.

And, I'm working toward developing myself as a professional. Thinking about how best to put together a portfolio of professional achievements and certifications. Reading books and articles about cover letters, resumes, interviews, etc. I'm not sure I imagined I'd feel this type of motivation anytime soon, but here it is and I'm going to take advantage of it.

In line with developing myself as a professional (maybe I should say professional candidate?), however, in line with this, I'm making sure that I leave this position as a Guest English Teacher in Korean public schools with integrity and committment to my responsibilities. I'm laying out what I hope will be one of my best vacation English camps and plan to teach with joy and compassion for these students and my co-workers - regardless of any hard feelings I may harbor.

So, I guess those are goals.

Here's to being half-way through June ^^ (AND well on my way to conquering these goals...hehe).

(Typed while sipping from a small paper cup of instant coffee with cream and sugar)

Books 2012:Purple Squirrel: Stand Out, Land Interviews and Master the Modern Job Market

Purple Squirrel: Stand Out, Land Interviews and Master the Modern Job Market by Michael B Junge
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Until now, I haven't delved much into literature and common practices for landing interviews and preparing yourself as a stand-out candidate. Although Michael B. Junge's advice primarily fits a business model, I found what I believe are appropriate tips and advice for pursuing positions in education and I imagine numerous other professions. Since I am unfamiliar with other similar types of literature, I cannot compare the uniqueness of his advice and insight, but am personally satisfied by his presentation and information and have been much more motivated to put together resumes, cover letters, portfolios and lists of potential employers than I would have been otherwise - so in that sense, a definite win!

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A few other notes:

I'm pursuing some job opportunities. Primarily in higher education. A few at home in Wyoming and a few here in South Korea.

That's all I'm willing to say about future plans for the time being in case some of my friends are curious. Or in case some strangers are stumbling upon this page.

(Typed while asking if there's an extra umbrella available since the rains have begun this afternoon)

Books 2012: Silent Tears: A Journey of Hope in a Chinese Orphanage

Silent Tears: A Journey of Hope in a Chinese Orphanage by Kay Bratt
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This memoir is about many things: harsh realities of a Chinese Orphanage, living as an expatriate, being a mother and a wife, navigating culture and serving your passions. Many passages are hard-hitting and tug at the heart-strings with unbelievable force. At times, the writing, which is presented in journal format/excerpts from the authors journal, feels like just that - raw emotions which paint a country and it's people too harshly and too drastically from the vantage point of Western ideology and prosperity. As an expat in East Asia, I can understand many of her frustrations toward cultural norms - I'm just not sure all of them are honorable to publish with such a critical tone.

In reading this story, I think it's important for the reader to a) recognize this is the story of one orphanage and one volunteer who happened to witness horrendous things - things which should be brought to our attention but may or may not be true for all of China's orphanages and likely happen throughout the world, even in developed nations and b) this is her journal, her raw emotions, it's not censored to be politically correct and that's fine, that's what journaling is intended for- a place to safely vent frustrations and wrestle with our perceptions of anything and everything including a nation and it's people.

I really, REALLY loved reading the letters at the end of the book and seeing how much hope there was in this place which so often showcased darkness.

"I wanted to transform the often vacant, detached expressions on their innocent faces to ones of animation, of joy, of life. My new goal became demonstrating to each child how it felt to be loved and nurtured." (location 129)

"I would never fail to be astonished that a child so young could cry so silently, without movement or expression, while so clearly craving human touch. It was as though they had given up on the hope of receiving even a moment of comfort or attention to alleviate the misery of their prison-like existence." (location 145)

"I had known helping these children would make me feel good in so many ways, but I'd never counted on the profound sadness I would deal with daily." (location 190)

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A few other notes:

I think about adoption quite regularly. Perhaps because one of my best friends adopted a child who quickly became one of my favorite. Lately, I've been having a lot of conversations with my Korean friends about adoption, because we're all at that age or point in our marriage when everyone wants to know - "Are you going to have kids?" It's been interesting and really ought to call for it's own post because it's been incredibly insightful and heartbreaking. Heartbreaking in some of the same ways this story is heartbreaking. Heartbreaking in that sometimes, honestly, culture holds us back. Puts restrictions on things which should be explored and embraced freely. I had so many emotions in reading this book. Mostly of a bleeding heart. But, at times, I was also frustrated with the author. She lived in China, for three years before bucking up and using a squatty potty -- and even then it was out of complete desperation. But she grew. And I guess that's what matters. Because I've lived in South Korea for 2 years and most definitely haven't overcome each of my cultural boundaries - so, I suppose I should lay off my judgement and comparisons and simply enjoy this book for the heart and passion expressed and the thoughts which it leads me to ponder and to share.

(Typed while sitting at my desk with nothing to drink but my own thoughts.)

A Month of Gratitude: May 2012

Spontaneity - searching for tickets to Tokyo. Dalk-galbi with new and entertaining friends (student teacher's from Nameson Middle School - Suhyun, Ellen and Yujin Leah). Hearing my dad sing a song he wrote via YouTube. Attending the Korean non-verbal performance JUMP, martial arts and humor. Little Black Dress. Sipping on Mike's BEST hard apple cider! Leftover blueberry pie. Reading and enjoying Hyunhee's company. Remembering our proposal story. Processing relationships, how I view the Bible, my faith, etc. Anticipation. Reunions and meetings in busy subway stations with my dear Mindy Litton and her boyfriend Alex. Friendships that span years and miles. Support and love from The Thread. The life of Mandy Litton. Ocean view accompanied by the peak of Mt. Fuji. Japanese Ramen. Morning naps. Banana Bread. Google chatting with Mark and SaraJane - dreaming of the future. Laughter. Bursts of motivation. A husband who loves me. A pup who loves me. B-boy and Ballerina - amazing performance enjoyed with the great company of Garrett and Alla! Cheap doctors and pharmacy visits. Younglan's kindness in bringing me chicken soup when I'm sick. Sympathy from co-workers, sleeping in the nurse's room rather than teaching. Currently being employed. Help and Advice from SaraJane and Liz. Submitting a complete and proudly completed application for my dream job. Morning orange juice on the banks of a small river. Green Tea naeng-myeon. Morning walks through wooded forests and fields of green tea. Anticipation. Emails/FB Messages from women I love, Mindy and Rachell. Learning to be a better pet owner.

(Typed while sipping iced green tea from a sweet little glass)

Books 2012: The Dirty Parts of the Bible

The Dirty Parts of the Bible by Sam Torode
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I didn't really know what to expect from this book going in and was quite pleasantly surprised at the insights offered by Sam Torode through the narration and story of Tobias Henry. Not only was the writing often insightful, but also full of quips and humor that made for easy and pleasurable reading.

"Down south, most places had a surplus of Baptist pastors already. Texas's main exports are cotton, oil and preachers." (pg. 6/location 61)

"The little brown Bible lay right in the middle of his seat, looking like a sacred dropping from a man who ate, drank and shat Scripture." (pg. 45/location 472).

"And Tamar and Ruth weren't the fallen women of the Bible - they were the righteous ones. In fact, Matthew puts them on Jesus' family tree, along with that other seductress, Bathsheba. These women were Jesus' great-grandmothers! If they were alive today, I though, you wouldn't find them at a Sunday school picnic." (pg. 72/location 748)

"When the actors take off their costumed, they're all equal. So it is with life. When death strips us of our roles, we're all equals in the grave." (pg. 121/location 1249)

"Just because a story didn't actually happen," he continued, "you think it's a lie. But myths and fairy tales aren't lies - they're deeper truths." (pg. 139/location 1428)

"The problem with a lot of church people," Craw said, "is that they're trying to be holier than Jesus." (pg. 162/location 1654)

"Deep inside, every woman is a princess. And every princess has a dragon...the point is, every woman is a vessel of beauty, life and love - though most don't know it. And all the forces of evil in the world are dead-set against her. That's why loving a woman is the hardest battle you'll ever face. Love isn't going to fall into your lap - you've got to fight for it." (pg.244/location 2481)

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(Typed while a loaf of Banana Walnut Craisin Bread bakes in the bitty-oven).