The Truth of This Moment

I just need to get some things out in the open.

The truth of this moment is that I will never again teach 6th grade students at Samcheon Elementary School. In two days, I'll add Samcheon 4th and 5th graders to that list as well as two of my current co-workers. Aside from the 17 students who plan to attend summer camp, my work here is essentially finished.

And the truth of this is, I am relieved.

The truth is, I haven't enjoyed working here. Here as in Samcheon. Here as in South Korea.

I've loved Korea. I've loved many of my students. I've made a handful of exceptional co-worker friends. I've gained invaluable experience as an educator. I've learned to teach phonics effectively and engagingly. I've been offered a lot of snacks. I've drank a lot of instant coffee.

But at the end of the day, I don't love this job.

That is the truth.

Because in my position, as a foreigner, teaching English in a Korean Elementary school, regardless of previous experience and education, is not a highly valued position, in some ways, I am not a highly valued person according to cultural norms (age, gender, nationality, experience).

And...

I guess I've lead a pampered life of people praising me and affirming my talents, even in teaching and classroom management.

Not so here.

And maybe that's okay. Maybe, surely, I needed a season that played out the way this one did.

But the truth of this moment, is that I will not miss working in Korea's public elementary schools.

I just hope I have the heart and gumption to tackle teaching back home...or that the good Lord leads elsewhere...

(Typed having finished a red paper cup of nothing other than instant coffee ^^)

June 2012: A Month of Gratitude

Just realized that this post is my 200th post.

Glad I'm marking the occassion by giving thanks.

French fires + Coke + Good Book. Wicked, the Musical. Little Black Dresses. Little Blue Dresses. Classical Cello Concerts. Pat-bingsu! Alla and Hyunhee stopping by the OEC while Mike hangs out with his students. Korean countryside. Mid-week holidays with Hyunhee and Hakcheol. Meeting Korea's wisest "old geezer" on the bus. Taco-K dinner with a co-teacher and her fiance. BBQ's on the river with fantastic company, great meats and equally great brews. Skyping Holly and Kolt. Being ahead on lesson planning. Visiting with Garrett and Alla. Inspiration to create Banana Beer Bread. Encouraging words via SaraJane on gChat. Thought-provoking insight from Erin. Encouraging words about finding value from Mindy. Daejeon's best burger with Mike, Harris, Aaron and guest appearance by Paul and Lucy. Encouraging chat session with Annalise. Encouragement from my mother. Muju. Blueberry Pie. Mulling over the words of Donald Miller. Hard Apple Cider. Enjoyable school lunches. Feeling the voice and presence of the Lord. gChat's with Mark and SaraJane. Seaweed Paper. Bon-Bon Italian with Joe, John G, Paul and my man. Hearing the words, "we're going to Laramie," confidently spoken. Tears of Joy. Sharing exciting news.

Books 2012: Sleeping Beauty

Sleeping Beauty by Elle Lothlorien
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I don't know if I really liked the story so much, and as with other reviewers - it wasn't all that comical, there were really some heavy issues presented within the context of this book. But, at the end of the day, I didn't want to put it down and I was curious to see how all these imperfect people with imperfect actions were going to come around to reconcile with one another all that had taken place. Impressively, by the end, everyone has reconciled each others actions and continue to live in peace amongst each other regardless of the scandals which had recently been revealed in court and on video...

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Books 2012: Into the Shadows

Into the Shadows by Karly Kirkpatrick


My rating: 3 of 5 stars


"Everyone's story has a different ending and unfortunately we aren't the writers, just the readers." (pg. 21/location 273)

A set of people are set apart as 'gifted' yet these gifts are quickly discovered and re-defined as a threat to national security. Following is a disregard for personal freedom and rights and a showcase of discrimination, segregation and a government bent on creating fear in hopes of gaining power.

Another reviewer mentioned the slow start of the book, and I would have to agree, the beginning was slow and often felt a bit disjointed or as an attempt to build the necessary background without going into detail, but I may have liked some more details or just a different presentation of the necessary background. Regardless, I found myself eager to finish the story and deeply moved by the experience of the main character Paivi and the other's who were deemed 'Enemies of the State' and their advocates.
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A few other notes:

I've yet to decide if I will continue forth with this series. I imagine Kindle price or Library availability will be the primary determining factors.

(Finished reading and typed the review while snacking on chocolate filled Korean snacks and a small paper cup of instant coffee mix)

Books 2012: Child of the Mist

Child of the Mist by Kathleen Morgan
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

After reading a book heavy on issues of abuse and other vicious cycles, I needed something a little less heavy. However, there are still heavy issues of treachery and such presented in the first of this series by Kathleen Morgan, regardless, the setting and time was unfamiliar enough and the love story engaging enough to keep those heavy issues from weighing to heavily on me personally. I found the characters of the book intriguing and admirable throughout the story and was eager to see them truly discover the same within each other.

"Her love for this most magnificent of men had opened up the world to her, freeing her - empowering her. Her love only made her stronger. It revealed new mysteries, mysteries both wonderful and life-sustaining. There was no fear anymore, only an eagerness to delve further and, in the giving, receive." (location 1997)

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Another note:

I'm as yet undecided as to whether or not I will read the next book in this series. It is not necessary to this story although it involves some of the same characters, focusing in on one of the "supporting" characters from the first in this series.

(Again, typed while having finished banana milk. Finished ready while drinking hard cider ^^)

Books 2012: Running from Solace

Running from Solace by Nakia R. Laushaul
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

In all honesty, this was a tough read. Generational abuse, the shortcomings of the foster system contrasted against the necessity and benefit of such a system, vicious cycles of violence and so much more. It is a painful story. But it was grasping and continually held me attentive, wanting to know more about the inner workings of Mona, her son (and children) and the CPS staff woman who unknowingly became wrapped up in a case which would reveal painful truths from her own past, requiring her to confront the pain and hurt from years of her own abuse.

Truly, the story lines and three narrators of this story and the turns the story takes to tie them all together are absolutely gripping.


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(Typed having recently finished off a carton of banana milk, of greater interest, I'm 99% sure I finished the book while drinking a glass of home-made hard cider ^^).

Spilling

In my quiet moments, as of late, I mull over possible titles for a post, here at Tea with Melissa. The place I feel most comfortable sharing some of the deeper parts of me (although, you may not know it with all the book updates and goals with nothing else in between ^^).

I've considered poetically titling a post: Crossroads.

Doubt and Certainty serving as the primary theme.

Doubt that I'll land my dream job.
Doubt that I'll (we'll) have a job at all come September.
Doubt that I have what it takes.
Certainty that moving on is the call of the hour.
Certainty that all we need will and has been provided for.
Certainty that I have what it takes.

I've considered a simple post with a title such as: Processing or Updating

Rambling serving as the primary theme.

Expressing that, at this point, in my life in the life of my husband and I, we are soul searching and job searching. We are in love with two nations. We are in love with adventure and traveling and time to engage in such activities. We are longing for Wyoming, but so incredibly intentional with our finances that it seems foolish to bail on South Korea when there may still be perfect opportunities here to save and work a few more years toward the life we've always dreamed of. However,  Wyoming has dangled in front of us an opportunity so perfectly suited to our desires (and to my education and experience) that our hearts are yearning even more deeply for our homeland and the family and friends we have there, while simultaneously aching the truth that Korea is not our forever home and some of the people we've added to our community here may sooner than expected be half a world away.

And job searching is exactly what it's cracked up to be: stressful and disappointing and at times utterly thrilling in thinking about the possibilities. And time-consuming. And requires ridiculous amounts of paper work and document tracking and scanning and sending -- and all that's before an interview.

So maybe we'll be in Wyoming by September. Perhaps in a dream job, preparing to build a home of our own and with a promise to visit this second home every year or two if even for a short time. Perhaps among our prior community who loved us so dearly and have contributed to who and where we are with their love and support and encouragement. Perhaps crashing couches, looking for flexible work as substitute teachers of eBay entrepreneurs. Or, maybe we'll be in South Korea, relocating on the peninsula. Transitioning into a University position looking forward to more flexible schedules and longer vacations.

But we don't know. And there's currently no indication of when we will know these answers. So, we just sit and wait and hope and pray.

I've considered titling a post: It's a Beautiful Life.

Because I love Ace of Base.
And because through all of this, I'm seeing just how beautiful and perfect my life is for me, our lives are for us.

Because when we leave places, we aren't escaping.
We're leaving behind family and friends who love us and support us and who are eagerly awaiting our return, miraculously without pressuring us to do so in a time-frame that suits their own desires.

Because when we arrive in places, we aren't excluding.
We're immersing and living intentionally because that's what we've learned produces results that feed our hearts and our souls. We recognize this place is temporary, more so than any other we're likely to settle into, yet our previous experience in community resounds and reminds us that intentionality and meaningful relationships and big and small experiences are worth the heartache that will one day be good-bye for now, until I don't know when.

Because when it's time to move forward, we aren't alone.
We have this beautiful life due to these beautiful people and as I sit so frequently, in confusion and uncertainty about what the (near) future holds, I am humbled and astounded by the degree and depth of friendships I have established here, there and everywhere in between. And whatever it is we decide, whatever it is that comes to fruition, I know we will move forward with the world's greatest support team, no need to escape, only a need to continue on with love, compassion and intentionality.



But now, in this moment, I just needed a place to spill all of these thoughts with their own flow, their own style, their own focus.


We're at a crossroads. And while we stand here, waiting for direction and confirmation, we cannot help but notice all that has brought us to this point and how simply astoundingly beautiful it all is.

(Typed while finishing off a most amazing and refreshing Blueberry-Cucumber smoothie from my very own kitchen using my very own home-made  yogurt ^^)